Even a seemingly delightful trip induced by OTP Peyote, wasn’t enough for Covetous to locate Gullible. Gullible’s in a special place. A seemingly delirious mental state of. “Herbana!” A state induced by OTP peyote but supplemented by something Covetous couldn’t quite put his finger on. Sure, Covetous’ investigative background yielded to that magic Peyote Cactus. But logic interrupted that sweet vision of free agent big men and contraction. A bad trip ensued with the New Jersey Nets, winning multiple additions from a contraction induced lottery. Covetous still tripping thinks to himself “what about restricted free agents in a contraction scenario? Shouldn’t they be allowed to become de facto free agents? Oh, . . . the joy is gone. I don’t want to head towards another bad trip. What was it that Gullible took with that Peyote that took him to Herbana?”
[All of a sudden it dawns on Covetous that gullible downs everything he has with a shot of . . . ]
“Koolaid! That’s it. Talk about making me sick, and sending me off into an eerie feeling. I fought the bad trip but in order to locate Gullible I have to abandon all logic. So that makes Koolaid the item I need to get to Herbana. I hate that stuff but I better down some before the Peyote wears off. Talk about making me nauseous. I’m going to be sick!
The mixture of koolaid and OTP Peyote in Covetous’ system results in an ever more potent high. The two stimulants induced a powerful wave of delirium throughout covetous. As Covetous’ trip progresses, he recedes to the dark envious, desirous, “covetous” recesses of his soul and a vision of unrelenting temptation emerges before his very eyes. Covetous’ desire for the easy route to the escapist world of herbana that Gullible inhabits produced an unavoidably enticing vision. Before Covetous eyes the seducer emerged, a creature that has existed since time immemorial.
Covetous’ desperate search for Gullible leads him to engage the seducer. The seducer charms covetous into believing that all his problems and that of returning Gullible back to the land of bohemian Knicks fandom is obtainable by making a headline/blockbuster move for another star. A star that must be obtained regardless of the cost, and regardless of the impact on the Knicks. Because all it takes is one star to make it all right. Why of course forget the obvious problems with the coach not using the big men on the pine, or the Knicks lacking more enforcers and big brutes to protects Stoudemire from more beatigs. Fresh from his encounter with the seducer, Covetous contracts a lethal viral pathogen! He contracts a gullible strain that would come to be named after him. Covitis!
The bloody havoc induced by Covitis on the body organized of franchises and fandom.
Covitis is a virus akin to the flu, small pox, chicken pox, dengue fever, yellow fever, the whooping cough, cabin fever and even jungle fever etc etc. Covitis is a universal viral pathogen. There are various forms but two specific strains of covitis exists. One strain is that of the soon to be Free Agent Covitis (FA Covitis). It comes in two demoninations the restricted and unrestricted strains (UFA and RFA Covitis). The UFA demonination is more potent, and that denomination can be either a Pure UFA or an ETO UFA. Word of these strains sets ripples through the web, wrecking havoc and instability on fans desires and team stability alike.
To the left, Covetous and the Seductress. Upper right, Multiple point infection of 2010-ETOFA-LJ23/6 that wrecked havoc on Knicks fandom and Management for over two years. Lower right, ETO-FA-CA-15 Currently moving across the Hudson to Manhattan and the Knicks and their far reaching fanbase.
The other strain is the always highly coveted Marquee First Round Draft Selection (1ST-RD-MDP). Ever evolving It varies from year to year. These are the types that are more directly disorienting to rebuilding teams or teams in severe decline in that they induce tanking.
Examples of 1ST-RD-DP Covitis that have rocked NBA Franchises in the past are:
Regardless of the particular strain and the strains ever evolving form, Covitis is debilitating in that it afflicts NBA Fans and Franchises alike, indiscriminately. For Fans – it is spread through the porous veins and channels of cyberspace through rumors, word of mouth, or the inception of a covetous idea or desire. For franchises – it is acquired in the midst of crisis, decline, growth and roster maneuverings.
In both instances, for fans and franchises, it’s usually possible to see it coming when a Star Player’s contract expires, when a rookie scale contract is in it’s option year and or hasn’t been extended long term beyond that point. It is also possible to see it grow in the competitive pee tree dish that is college basketball and it’s tournaments, which highlight emerging forms of covitis inducing talent.
For Fans Covitis may result in carpal tunnel syndrome (from playing with an online trade machine, typing up and searching for the latest trade gossip in a fan blog, and doing multiple searches for the coveted desired star player). Covitis also prodcues red eye and insomnia (from staying up late and skimming through the latest “news,” rumors, speculation, and insider tidbits on the web). At it’s worst, it could result in megalomania and dementia (after pulling all night trade machine scenario exercises that results in the victim believing they’ve come down with the ultimate trade in which the fan’s team losses as little as possible in exchange for the coveted star player).
For Franchises, Covitis works on the psychological, moral and physical level as well. It does so by undermining team morale and spirit. By, at times, decimating team chemistry as “rent a players” and players “rumored to be on the blocks” have their focus on the game compromised by the latest trade chatter via insiders on the web. Those effects are more often felt with the FA Strains of Covitis UFA and RFA variations. Covitis can also compromises a coach’s and stars player’s best efforts as those team members devolve into tank mode. Those tendencies are more linked to the 1ST-RD-MDP strain of covitis.
Covitis is one of the world’s oldest afflictions leading to discrete and at times frenzied at the moment encounters. But in the NBA covitis’ emergence is relatively new, it’s emergence born of the web’s endless networks of information and it’s explosion spurred by the viral networks of gratuitous social media narcissism. The momentum with which the silent slayer covitis infest fans’ minds and teams’ chemistry is not easily slowed.
Covitis, especially team/franchise covitis, has few if any neutralizing cures. Immunity has to be built up over the course of time by solid management teams. Covitis, mercilessly infests teams with either lower impact talent or glutted payrolls (with below average talent and success to boot). Covitis feeds on these under talented or cap glutted weaker organizations. Covitis also viciously feeds on the chemistry of franchises on the rise but in transition that are looking for a key star acquisition to put them in position to contend. Generally for all teams the process of innoculation against major impact covitis may take years as organizations accumulate the requisite mix of star and complimentary roll playing talent, savvy and leadership through a balanced process of solid drafting, supplemented by smart off season manueverings. The maintenance of solid roster development, a multiple impact star stable and roster flexibility of assets and liquidity is the ultimate onus of management teams who are charged with steering franchsise’s clear of the virulent terror that is covitis.
For fans the symptoms of covitis may be treated by the use of the over the counter logical supplement known as “Perspectiva.” Perspectiva is readily available by the use of thorough analysis and logic, which are the key ingredient. Unfortunately there are side effects, which may result from Perspectiva such as bouts of depression and in some cases levity that makes all of the bantering about with Covitis absolutely irrelevant. Be sure to check with your online insider before you turn to Perspectiva as use of this treatment may result in cancellation of insider subscriptions and even a withdrawal from all night maniacal searches for the perfect trade scenario or latest news on the ever so coveted star player.
Trapped in a prison of his own unrelenting desire. Punch drunk on Gullible’s Koolaid as it mixed with the OTP Peyote already in his system Covetous confronts the ravenous want stirring through his soul and the gorgeous quick fix vision introduced to him by the seductress. Covetous’ encounter has made him a victim searching for a way out of the mental prison of his own emptiness.
Covetous pauses and gulps down a dose of perspectiva to help him cast back the debilitating overwhelming strains of covitis that has hit him this time out. He awakens in a cold sweat back in gotham in his office his case files scattered about. He concludes that he has confronted the oldest of all entities in his search for Gullible. The entity has gone by many names throughout the ages, sorta like the a/k/a’s of the more easily corralled folks filling up the moribund prison industrial complex. With perspective in hand he pauses to redirect his search for his missing cousin gullible, a pro bono mission of mercy for all of Knicks fandom.